It all started in the spring of 2005. I became a fan as everyone else, with the sense of him being my dream guy. I listened to his music constantly, learning the guitar along the way. I dreamed of going to one of his concerts and when the opportunity showed its self in Lake Tahoe in January 2006, I dreamt of just randomly catching a flight and staying at the hotel. Of course I didn't have the money to do so; alas I would day dream of it being true. As time went on I gradually forgot about wanting to see him. I had things going on in my life that took my greater attention. I found out he was coming to a festival just a few hours away from where I live in June 2007, and I had been planning on going with a friend. We booked a hotel room and off we went. On the ride over there I converted my friend to be a true Mraz fan. The whole time at the festival I kept a look out if I miraculously would spot him. I promised myself I would be the first one there to get the best spot in the crowd, but apparently I wasn’t the only fan. I got a pretty good spot on the side though. As he went up on stage I could feel my heart beating. I was one of those cheesy fans shouting at him. Just as I yelled "shake that ass" as he bent over to fix his guitar, the crowd grew dead silent. I was so embarrassed but wasn't gonna let it bother me. I just thought about all the girls screaming at him that I heard on his bootlegs circling the internet, I was one of those! Pretty funny. Anyway. The concert was so amazing! I had the time of my life dancing and singing along. I think I even got eye contact a few times which raced my heart. I probably didn't (can't see that far without my glasses) but I'd like to think so. Afterwards I pretended not to be such a huge fan, I acted cool but I secretly kept that look out for him. I prayed that he stayed at the same hotel as we did. I even went down to breakfast extra early just in case he would be there to avoid any crowds building up later in the morning. I had no idea what would happen if I was to see him. I guess I had the idea that he would just stop and notice me, and in love we'd fall. Those god damn fairy tales has messed me up! After breakfast I was a bit bummed I didn’t get to meet him. I don't know why I thought I would. As I got home it seemed like my adventure was over.

Back to the usual life! I sat down by the computer to see if he had written anything in his blog about last night. Amazingly just at the very same moment I checked it out he posted a blog and I was one of the first people to get to comment. I have tried getting his attention before without any luck. So this time I had learned he didn't reply to any messages or comments so I just sent one for funs sake. He wrote something about him thinking of getting a blonde wife, dog & house or something and that the people in the crowd were all blonde and hotties. So I commented that I was in the crowd and that he was a hottie too. He should e-mail me if I fit his blonde wife description. I didn't give it much thought until later that evening. I stood outside with my dog watching the stars and I just felt this strange moment. I was so grateful, but I didn’t know for what. I just stood there and smiled, gazing at the stars. He passed my mind as well.

Later I went to check my e-mail and got a massive chock! I had a message from him! My body just went numb and I could hear my heart and gut pounding like never before. What the hell! It said "Greetings from _ _ _" in the subject field. Was this a joke? I opened it trembling and frantic, I read it over and over maybe 20 times. I was terrified but jumping up and down with uncontainable joy, like I've won the lottery. It didn't say much but it scared the hell out of me.

"Care to be a tour guide?"

That's it. What did it mean? Did he really want me to be a tour guide? Is it really him? Do I have the guts to say yes, and do it? I had to call a friend to help me. I could hardly get the words out I was so excited. She convinced me it was a chance of a lifetime, to answer it and I did. I couldn't think of anything else to say but:

"I'd love to."

And then I waited. Hours turned into days. Already I was losing hope. Why wasn’t he answering? Was he only kidding? It must have been a joke. Why would he just send that kind of a thing to a random girl? And why me? I had to send one more message. I decided to send my phone number. It was even harder to click send than the first reply. But I did it. He had my phone number. And I knew it, cause it said that my message was read. I went through the week paranoid and clutching to my cell all the time. I couldn't stop thinking about him during work and what I would say if he'd call. I kept imagining what we'd do and where I'd take him if I were to be his tour guide, although I knew nothing about that stupid city. I only do some shopping over there! But it couldn't be that hard, could it? Eventually I had given up hope. Then I saw he was having a small gig on a boat a few hours away again. I had to go! I had the idea if he saw me and that I wasn't this crazed out fan screaming at him as soon as I saw him. After all he's just a guy with a guitar. My dream guy. I had to do all that I could to get a shot.

Without thinking about if I had the money I rented a silly little car, dragged a friend along and we drove the 8 hours down there. We were a half an hour late but fortunately the gig hadn't started yet, so I thought. Apparently Jason and Bushwalla had given a small opening in the parking lot just a few minutes before we arrived! Anyway, we got in line and I felt so happy just being there now. I had tried to fix myself up in tip top shape, and I felt confident and pretty. As we got to the entrance I suddenly spotted Jason and Bush on the roof of the boat. They were talking. I couldn't take my eyes of him, but did, since I didn't want to seem weird. Suddenly Jason looked down at me and said "hey" with a surprised but recognizable smile. I got the impression he recognized me. Star struck, I gave him a huge smile back but was too shy to keep my eyes on him any longer. Did he recognize me? I had to pay for the tickets. We were almost the last ones in and all the seats were taken so we stood in front of the coat hangers. Luckily it turned out to be right in front of where they would be playing. I couldn't believe I was there, I was so excited. Bushwalla started out the show with an incredible performance. Then Jason came on stage and got up on an empty chair right in front of me within grabbing distance! I couldn't believe it. He started out with the most beautiful version of "Plane". My favorite song. It was wonderful. His presence and talent blew me away. And something even more amazing, he looked straight into my eyes more than a few times! There we were flirting with only our eyelashes, while he was singing his heart out to everybody. I was in heaven and my mind was total mush. He even stood right next to me (well almost, my friend stood in between) during a "side show". My friend said he was totally flirting with me and gave me the nudge but I couldn't bring myself to even look at him, let alone say something. I didn't want to leave when the show was over, but my friend had to get home in time for a birthday party and we couldn't miss the last ferry that night. Reluctantly I went. Those were some short and slow steps back to the car, looking over my shoulder to catch a glimpse of him. But I saw nothing. I drove the whole way back home, at 1 am to 8 am, with my friend sound asleep. I wasn't even tired. All I could think about were his eyes. Did he really flirt with me?

The next day I had to send him a message. I wrote I enjoyed our moments of eye flirtation, and asked if he recognized me. It was a shame I had to leave so early before we had a chance to meet, would he be coming back soon?

Strangely I was almost certain he would answer, and he did:

"I did see you and i kick myself for not saying something immediately. As soon as the show began i was too busy working to catch up with you...
I'm sorry i missed you in _ _ _ also. You sent me your info and i lost it somewhere in this myspace vortex. I'm easier to reach and faster to write back at: ***@****.com
i doubt i'll be back soon, but i will be back. The closest thing i believe i'm doing is something in ____ next month.
i hope you enjoyed the show. Because you were right in the middle at eye level it made me quite nervous. i'm not as smooth as it might appear...
Thank you for coming and sharing your eyes anyway.

Until next time,
-j "

I was officially dumbstruck. Is this a dream? Why is this happening to me? Is it because of all the day dreaming I had done before? Are my wishes manifesting? I don't want to screw this up. From then on I couldn't sleep well at night or eat properly. My mind was on this whole ordeal constantly. He gave me his e-mail! Was it his real address? It was so simple and obvious it was probably a junk e-mail address he gives out to everyone. What am I going to do? Should I go to Norway… alone? Will I disappoint him? I got incredibly self conscious and insecure. I doubted everything I thought I should write back. I spent two nights writing, editing, rephrasing and rewriting a "perfect" e-mail to him. The following are the e-mails we sent back and forth, mainly forth. Me:

"Hey J,

I regret not taking the opportunity to say something to you as well. I didn't want to interrupt you preparing for the show. Or we can go with the truth and say that I was too shy…

The show was incredible. Definitely the best I've ever been to, especially the view ;). Your alleged lack of smoothness never showed!

Maybe I'll be able to make it to X, if that's where you'll be. I hope it will be an intimate gig like this last one.

By the way, I really appreciate that you take time to answer me. I can't imagine how busy your schedule is and how many of these kinds of e-mails you get… "

All in vain, cause I didn't get an answer (as quickly as I had hoped). The suspense was killing me so I had to write him another one. 3 days later this time short and right on, "thinking of you" together with just a question or two. He answered:

"Thinking of X

Oh a place in _ _ _ would be serene, although I’ve only seen _ _ _. Which was lovely, thank you for asking. But it’s too soon to decide where my next home will be. Any interest in Southern California?

I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch with you on my day off in _ _ _. To be honest I didn’t expect a reply so soon and I’m reluctant to take offers from MySpace. I actually just sat and stared at your digits for a few minutes before deciding not to do anything. The same thing happened when I saw you on the boat. Before I could find the courage to chat you up you were gone. Now we are reduced to emails again having never met more than our eyes, and alas it’s time I write back.

I’m currently held hostage in Rotterdam thanks to the rain that continually follows us around. I’ll be here thru Sunday and then it’s off to France for a few days. Hopefully the Sea down south will provide sunshine for a long overdue swim.

Back in San Diego, trips to the sea are daily, as is swimming and surfing a regular part of life. This summer’s travels have required a major adjustment to my sound mind. But still, I am lucky to be seeing the world and just go with the flow.

I hope this finds you well...

-jason "

Interest in southern cali? Is he kidding?! It's my dream! I can't believe he seems so "normal". I do understand him not taking offers from myspace, but it was his offer! Why suggest a meeting if you intend not to? The starring at the digits part still makes me smile. Me:

" I gotta tell you, I'm not a huge fan of _ _ _. It's a little stuck up. That's the feeling I get when I wander the streets although the scenery is very nice, especially the archipelago. Did you get a chance to see any of it? It was probably about 70 degrees in the air so the water would have been just right. We _ _ _s like them lakes hot… (60 ⁰ ).

If you decide to come back I would have to take you on that tour, but in my town. It's right by the Lake Mälaren and much more laid back! We'd take a boat out to the Elba Island and just lay there in the sun, splash in the 60 degree water and head down to its kiosk and savor a bunch of popsicles. Maybe take a walk in the spruce forests and sight a moose or two. We could spend the night in Hotel Woodpecker built up in a great big oak tree in the town park with a castle view. There is one out in the lake too, Hotel Otter Inn, where you sleep in an aquarium under the water. I believe those hotels were built by this artist who is now planning on building the same kind of hotel on the moon. Or if you're a big city kind of guy I think you would like Gothenburg where there isn't a single negative attitude to be found. Now I sound like a real tour guide!

Southern California would be wonderful. I think I would blend right in with the surfing and all. I miss the US a lot, mostly the enormous selection of junk food and those one gallon buckets of watermelon flavored water ice. From your description of San Diego it sounds like the place to be. I'm in need of a vacation! Lend me a spot on your couch for a week?

I was just as surprised getting such a request from you. I always thought those big music myspace pages were handled by an assistant of some sort. When I got your reply I couldn't believe my eyes and I just sat there not knowing what to do. Thinking you were serious, I was impatiently hoping you'd call. But it's ok, I forgive you =).

It's a funny thing about courage. You can perform on a stage, but can't say hi to a girl ;)

I hope we'll get a 3rd chance to say something to each other at that thing in Norway though…

Have fun in France! And remember the sky is only treating your surroundings with a much needed shower. =) "

You can imagine how long that took me to write. I not that good at saying what I want said in the first draft, well in any draft, so this took a few days. He didn't answer until 6 days later. I had gone crazy from the wait. Barely getting any sleep. I was so annoyed with him not answering faster. He had to have checked his e-mail at least once a day since he's was on tour. So why didn't he write me back sooner? Was he playing a game on me? The answer I got was:

"Fantastic. I believe we’re flying up to Norway on the night of the 2nd and plan to be there for 3 nights.. I’m not sure the exact location of gigs but they are in and around X I’m sure. More as it develops...

Hopefully we meet again. Otherwise indeed come visit us in San Diego.

I’ll write more soon after I hurry back from Tonight’s festival with the Swiss.

-m "

Fantastic? Is that all I get? I guess I was hoping for him to write another delightful description of his life and thoughts. Was I expecting too much? The come visit us in San Diego part got me even more excited. I could totally picture us surfing together. Wow. I was so wound up I had to reply right away. All I sent was

"Can't wait =)"

This was gonna happen. The next day(!) I got an answer:

" Neither i... In fact. You should send me your digits again so we can be in touch when you arrive... Better yet. I can call you prior to the trip, Hear you voice, exchange a few words, break thru the awkward introduction ahead of schedule...

I hope it isn’t too much trouble for you to travel to Norway. Will you be arriving by plane, train, ferry? Are you set with accommodations? Can I be of assistance anywhere? Indeed I’ll handle the tickets to the show(s) so don’t worry about being first in line. You’re already set.

Just let me know...

-m "

Now I was beginning to feel fairly confident that he was interested in meeting me. My nerves calmed down a bit while I started planning for the trip to X. I decided I just had to go! This kind of an opportunity doesn't show up often in my life. I was so scared sending my number again, but I made myself do it. Hitting the send button was like dropping a glass from a skyscraper, waiting for it to hit the ground. I compelled myself to wait until the next day to reply.

"You're so sweet. I'm liking the VIP treatment 

It's no problem spending the weekend in norway, I love X! I think i'll take the train this time. (the 16 hour drive to/from Copenhagen before is not something I would do again)

On which day do you think I should come? The only thing i need help with is someone walking me back to my hotel at night...

0046 704 *** ***

dare you to call ;)

(I might not answer if I'm at work) "

The next few days were incredibly exciting as well as hell/heaven on earth. Would he call? When? What do I say? Will he be turned off by my voice? Or by my dialect or my English? Now I was booking a hotel room and buying train tickets. I couldn't decide if I would stay Friday to Sunday or just one night. Did he want to spend that much time with me? I decided to go with the safe card; I bought a ticket for Saturday morning. I was too afraid to spend too much time with him. Two days later he called. It was pretty spooky. I was alone at work and I had just gone down to the basement after counting the cash register as I suddenly though what if he calls right now? My cell is up stairs. As I took my time up the stairs my cell all of a sudden rang. In my gut I just knew it was him. It was. I stood there for what seemed like ages contemplating if I dared to answer. I didn't want him to hang up so I took a deep breath and answered. He said "Ciao Bella". I knew it was him but acted like I didn't know who it was. He was rambling something in Italian and I had no clue what he was saying. I blurted out something like "You know I'm not Italian". After that my mind went blank. I hardly remember what was said. All I know is that I stuttered and could hardly pronounce anything right and didn't know what to say. He asked if he should arrange a room for me at his hotel. I stupidly said I had already booked a room at another hotel. I had, at the same hotel I stayed at about a year earlier while I worked in X. It was cheap and fairly central. He said I could show him around town and I said I knew the perfect place to get some obligated Norwegian shrimp sandwiches, you have to have one if you're there, if he liked shrimp, I never got an answer so I asked again… he sounded hesitant so I let it go. I'm such a dork. I can't remember anything else other than me trying to make out what he was saying over the bad line from Italy. As we hang up I'm all sweaty and shaking. I can hardly stand up. I was in another euphoric faze. I was also embarrassed over my social talking on the phone skill. I suck! I had to send him an explanation over e-mail.

" Ciao

Listen, as you might have heard I was incredibly nervous on the phone. I can't remember half of what we said and I haven't had a descent conversation in english in ages. So, I was just wondering if we decided anything?

I don't know why I turned down your offer on the hotel thing by the way. Are you sure it isn't an inconvenience having me hang around?"

Three days later (I thought I had scared him away) he replied:

" My Dear _ _ _ Girl,

I forget sometimes that people aren’t used to meeting people on the fly like this. I travel so much and have grown accustomed to meeting people in so many odd ways that I almost prefer it now to live and love with reckless abandon. Stability is the worst a person can do to their sense of adventure. I assume the attraction to one another is mutual and friendly as it has already been fantastic flirting with you.

I don’t actually remember what was decided on the phone either. I suggested I could book you a room in the same hotel if you cared to hang but I couldn’t tell if already had a place. It’s no bother for us to reserve it if you need it. You can decide whether or not to use it later. Will you be traveling alone?

We’ll be at this HOTEL

*** ***

I’ll phone you again soon.. My hours have turned weird on a busy holiday in Rome so between sleep and showtimes I’ll find a quiet corner to call. Ciao Bella.

-m"

I can't believe it. He still wants to meet me. But at this time I'm very unsure of his intentions. What does he mean book a room at the same hotel? Does he think what I think he's thinking? What does he mean by friendly attraction? Call again?! He wants to talk to me! My mind was working over drive. I needed some time to think. I cancelled the hotel room reservation I had made earlier and got my own room at his hotel, it felt safer. I didn't want to rely on him. The next 3 days rapidly disappeared. He called another 2 times but with me either asleep or busy I couldn't answer so he left me some messages on my voice mail. His voice was so cute, boyish. I could hear he was nervous but trying to sound laid back. I listened to them over and over, hoping it would make me less nervous if I grew familiar with his voice, talking to me. Later I sent him:

" I'm sometimes oblivious of the obvious. I tend to dream myself away but I get what you're saying… Or not… a lot can be misunderstood through writing. It is difficult interpreting intentions.

I will be traveling alone and arriving close to 2:30pm on Friday so there might not be any time to hang out? (I'll take every minute I can get)."

He called me the next day. I wasn't at all prepared. I was watching Gilmore girls eating chocolate ice cream. This time the conversation went a bit smoother. I wasn't as nervous but I struggled anyway. His voice was calm and friendly and made me relax. I told him I got a room at his hotel. He wanted me to send him something, like pictures or something. I said I needed a theme so he randomly came up with "glass shelf". What the hell am I gonna do with that? My mind wandered from sending nude pics with me on a glass shelf, to writing some kind of a poem or limerick. I chickened out and just sent him the lamest thing:

"Once upon a time…

Ok, I suck at these kinds of things. Writing is not my strongest skill. I don't know how you do it! But I am pretty handy and good at practical stuff, like putting up glass shelfs or installing technical appliances ;)

Today was hectic. I found and made a down payment on an apartment in a matter of an hour. This summer is probably the most sleep depriving and eventful of my life. It feels like I'm scoring some major grown-up points! I'll tell you about it later in case we run out of conversation topics.

Gotta get some sleep now... dream well!"

It was only 3 days left until X and I was stressed out. What was I gonna wear? My hair? I had to start planning. The next day just as I checked my e-mail he sent this:

" Once upon a shelf…

How dare us to run out of conversation topics. For two people with 50 years collective life experience, we should have plenty to go on about. I anticipate little sleep, Lots of ice cream and me leaving with a few phrases under my tongue.

Going to Norway this afternoon

Looking forward to it

Are you?

Saturday seems too early to leave.

Sunday sounds better.

San Diego misses me i

Heard.

Everyone is waiting for me at home with burritos.

Let’s leave the light on.

Forget I said that.

Arrivederci,

-mraz"

Ok, now I was freaking out. Just that I could see his message pop into my inbox made it feel so real. He wants me to stay another day! Could I? Should I? Can I afford it? Leave the light on? He must be kidding. Even so, I had to prepare! Conversation topics, what would he think is interesting? I had to do some research on him. Since we have the same interests (from what I got out of his background check) I was fairly confident we'd have much to talk about. Tomorrow's the day. I took an hour to figure out a reply and I sent it right away.

"Man, I thought of that idea but trashed it!

I would have loved to stay sunday too. Those darn trains don't want to leave when I want them to. It's either saturday at 9.30am or sunday at 3.30pm... (And hotel rooms aren't easy on the wallet for a _ _ _ girl)

See you tomorrow!"

Ten minutes after that he sent me a reply. I couldn't grasp the fact that he read it so quickly. It was like talking directly with him.

"Never trash the idea before you see it thru somewhat... Instincts are golden and usually the best road to travel.

Nice effort though. Way to play along.

See you tomorrow."

That night I could actually get some sleep, well at least 6 hours. The day felt like a dream, like a movie, and I was the main character. As I sat waiting at the train station all dressed up for my special weekend I couldn't help but to think; here I was, an ordinary girl with an unordinary weekend ahead of her. I was going to spend a couple of days with Jason Mraz. I wondered what everybody else was on their way to. Maybe spend the day with Bon Jovi. How oblivious we are about what's going on in other peoples' lives. Maybe this is rather common? I'm just the only one not having things like this happen to me all the time. I took the opportunity to send him a text message.

"Note to self: meet _ _ _ at train station at 2:30"

I thought it was pretty cute. The train made a stop and I headed for the bathroom to fix myself up. Almost missing the departure, I forgot my jacket back at the station! What the hell was I going to do? Buy a new one? Hardly! The prices in Norway are outraging, I guess I'll have to freeze my ass off. Luckily it was warm out. For the whole train ride I had my mp3 player on constantly. I had made a playlist "thinking of X" with all my favorite Mraz songs, some love songs, and some songs to cheer me up and give me some confidence. The last mentioned being the ones played constantly for the last hour before arriving. I ruffled my hair and touched up my make-up. It was 2:30pm and we hadn't arrived yet! Since I didn't have any reception on my cell I couldn't call him. But he did. He left a message saying he's at the station. I should call him when I arrive. Shit. Me call? The first thing that ran through my head was: I get to call Jason Mraz. I didn't have the guts to call before cause I didn't want to be a pain bothering him. But now it was my turn. Holy crap.

The train arrives. When I get off i give him a call. I’m surprised he has a signal like a boy band of some sort. The station speakers are on and people are shouting and talking so I cant make out if he has answered or not, but finally I hear my name. So in my geeky English accent I ask where he is. He asks what gate I’m in. I tell him nr 2. He says he’ll come down and meet me, but I quickly say I’ll come up instead. I’m so nervous. I wander around trying to figure out if he said where he was, what he said and if he’s alone. Shit nervous, I make it to the main board and decide to call him again. I say I’m standing by burger king. He tells me to go to the main board with the big clock. As soon as I say “but I’m there” I turn around and look up and he’s standing there hanging over the railing. He’s alone! He gives me a smile and says something in Italian. I say “there you are, bye” and hang up on him. I make my way to the escalator. I almost trip trying to put down my phone in my bag where there’s a big bump in the floor. I smile and try to shake the embarrassment of. When I look at him as I’m rolling up the escalator, I see his lips mumble something like “oh my god”. He seems nervous, but you can tell he’s trying to act smooth. He has a white plain t-shirt, brown pants hanging on the hips, the trademark straw hat, and pilot shades. When I come up the stairs he takes of his shades and I try to make eye contact and I’m giving him a huge smile, but he doesn't smile back, he seems uninterested and looks at the floor. As I reach him I get a kiss on the cheek and a nice hug. I say "Aw". I'm lame. I can’t believe his eyes! They are so piercing and intriguing I don’t want to look away but can’t bear to keep starring at him. At least I’m not acting like some star struck fan. He has been sitting at a coffee table with a cappuccino and a notebook planer with postcards in it. Silly me sits down while he’s putting together his notebook with a piece of paper and a pen. I suggest we get moving. As we make our way down the escalator I start feeling cocky that I'm walking there with him. Jason Mraz. Bizarrely I feel proud, honored and lucky. I notice the way he walks. It's a funny but cute walk like he's tipping on his toes. It suits him. It reminds me of a friend I went to junior high with, Fredrik. I'm not paying any attention to thinking of anything to say so we walk there quietly beside one another a bit like lost tourists. He’s heading for the group of cabs and I burst out “aren’t we walking?” He’s like “yeah ok, sure”. I’m trying to figure out which way we should be heading. I spot the fountain I imagined where we could have met. I got it from here.

We don’t say much. It’s awkward. I keep trying to come up with something to say, but my head is blank. We make small talk and he asks me if I’ve lived where I live my whole life and I finally can tell him that I’ve lived in other continents as well. Now is the perfect opportunity for him to ask where, but no. He seems uninterested. Instead he asks when I lived there. I make excuses of my English because it was such a long time ago. So we get up on the main shopping street and make our way through the crowd of shoppers, performers and foreigners. Once in a while he almost stops to check some of their numbers out. There's a crappy statue impersonator. Jason's almost as fascinated with everything (as I imagine Tom Cruise being. Why am I thinking about tom cruise?!) and doesn’t care what people think of him when he stops to check something out. I admire him.

He asks if I know where he can buy some stamps for his postcards. Cool, I know the answer to his question. We stop at a store to get the stamps. Apparently he hasn’t mailed his postcards from all of Europe yet. He moves so calmly and confidently even when you see he doesn’t know how something works, like buying stamps. He’s growing more desirable by the minute. I try to watch him behind my shades as we walk. We head towards the hotel. He’s flipping around with his postcards, not saying much. I notice the hand writing on the cards, It’s beautiful, like an old lady's. I’m walking beside him trying to accidentally bump in to him from time to time. I feel so proud to be walking with him. I can feel the envy of other people, or at least what I would feel if I was a spectator. I’m thinking of questions to ask, but can’t come up with anything I believe worth asking. Although the conversation is smoothly coming along it feels as if I already know him in a strange kind of way, probably from everything I’ve read on the internet. When he tells me something about himself that I’ve already read I act interested as if it’s new information to me. I get to inform him of my juggling skills as he asks me of them. I suggest we go to a park and have a good time with some balls.

We arrive at the hotel and I check in. He’s standing beside me, listening. It’s the first time he hears me speak in my home language. I spot a grin on his face. When I’m done he’s asking the concierge something and pointing on a map. He asks me which harbor I was talking about before. I get close to him trying to spot it on the map. Our shoulders touch. We decide to meet at the lobby in 15 minutes. I can't believe I didn't want more time to get set up and freshen up in my room. Standing in the confined elevator with him for the first time makes me shiver. I get off on my floor, saying "see you soon". Immediately as I get to my room I throw myself on my cell to call my best friend. All I could get out from the nearest experience was “Oh my god, he’s so hot!” and how we spotted each other at the train station with a chuckling exited voice. Then I threw myself into the bathroom to check out my hair and makeup. I need a lot of work. Knowing he’s probably down at the lobby waiting for me I do what I can. Trying to look a bit more casual I put on my flip-flops and ruffle my hair a bit and out I go. Sure enough he’s sitting in the lobby writing on the postcards. I see his bag that I saw on a picture of him traveling before. In it he has the juggling equipment. He asks me for typical saying in my language. My head is completely empty. The first thing that comes to mind is “You’ve made your bed now you’ve gotta lay in it” or something like that. He asks me to write it down and I do, embarrassingly comparing my handwriting to his. I hope he doesn’t judge me based on it. Stupid, I know, but he probably is. I sneak a peek on the card and see that it's addressed to Toca. He hands the cards to the lobbyist and we head out the door.

We ask each other what we would like to eat. He mentions the shrimp sandwich I told him about on the phone the first time we ever spoke with one another. From that call I got the impression he didn’t care to try the sandwich but now he seems excited. He tells me he prefers vegetarian food and I agree with him. I ask him if he’s a big eater. He is. Just like me he eats everything. Now I feel like it’s the first thing next to juggling that we have in common. We can both eat and eat but never gain weight. He tells me about his training regime. He’s a runner, just like me! Now I get excited about everything we have in common, body wise. He asks if I want to put my little purse in his "man bag". I do. It's cute. It's cream colored with oranges or clementines on it. I'm surprised he has guts to walk around with a bag on his shoulder like that. Geeky but it makes him even hotter.

The weather is perfect with the sun out and a slight breeze. When we make it to the harbor we pass 2 or 3 restaurants until we find the one with the shrimp sandwich. I can't remember if you should wait for assistance to be seated or not. I decide to act confident I know what I'm doing and head to a table out in the sun. I regret taking the sunny side, now I won't get to see his eyes because of the sun in my eyes. We sit there for a good 15 minutes before a waitress notice us. But in the meantime conversation kicks off. He hits me with a question I never thought he’d ask. Do I want kids? Knowing myself, I don’t want any but I tell him “maybe, with the right guy” in hopes it won't scare him off if he does want children. He surprises me with his response which is that he doesn’t think he wants any, there are enough children in this world that is in need. All I wanna scream out is “ME TOO!”. But I can’t take it back. I just agree slightly and work it in that I’m waiting for the right time when I’ve got everything settled financially. Then I tell him that kids don’t like me and I don’t like them. I just pat them on the head and wish they'd run off. He agrees and says that they don’t connect either. 
We get our shrimp sandwiches and dig in. I practically throw myself at the plate while he’s more careful, not knowing how to eat it. He eats watchfully and doesn’t seem to enjoy it but he says he does. I try to catch his eyes but it's difficult with his shades on. So I put mine on too. In lack of anything to say I notice I can see the boats quite clearly without my glasses. I tell him about this EFT method I’m trying and that it’s working. Afraid he thinks I’m this new age hippie I say it probably sounds like mumbo jumbo but he stops me and says that he believes me. He’s into this whole energy kind of living thing too. We talk about where he lives, how he loves interior decorating, his roommate and their usual eating habits. Now I’m a little freaked out. How is it possible that we have so much in common? Trying not to show I’m overexcited I agree politely with everything he has to say. He tells me about his "avocado ranch" and the coyotes and the sunsets in the hills. His life sounds amazing. I want him to know how we have all of these interests shared. I mention my mother and how she has taught me a lot about herbs and new age stuff and that’s where I’ve gotten into alternative living. Hope he gets it. I mention I wish we had a boat to enjoy the lake with. He agrees. I joke around saying I have a canoe. He gets enthusiastic and says we can use it when he comes to visit me and we’ll have a picnic. Oh my god. Visit?! He's must be joking. I clear up everything from my plate as I notice he's leaving quite a lot left on his. I don't think he liked it as much as I did. He says the mayonnaise is the best he has eaten during this summer, but leaves a bit of it and a lot of shrimp left. As the check comes he says he’s paying for it. I say that’s not an option. I really don’t want him to pay, but he won’t hand me my purse so I let him, saying I’ll pay for the ice cream we’re getting later.

We pass a street salesman with small stuffed dogs hopping around on the street. As one of them is heading away from the rest he stops to pick it up and direct it towards the others. I just stand there in awe of how sexy he is. I can’t believe he did that. He’s so relaxed and outgoing. I have never met anyone like him. It’s what I’m looking for in a guy but never thought existed. We wander through the harbor observing all the different kinds of people. At a bench a couple is having the time of their lives making out. Smiling he can't take his eyes off them. I feel awkward. I can’t stop thinking if he just wants us to be friends, if he just wants me to be one of his groupies or if it could be something more between us. It has been hard trying to read him even from the beginning with the e-mails and phone calls. He sends one signal that he's totally in to me but then one that he doesn’t want to be around me. I don’t understand.

With the help of the map (and yes as our heads get close to glance at it, it’s all I can think about) we try to find the ice cream store that I said has the best ice cream. (Hoping it did cause I haven’t been there, I found it online). He takes out the juggling balls and starts to juggle while we walk telling me more about his roommate (bushwalla) who apparently was a circus artist. Stupidly I make a comment about Bush's hair, that he must have been a clown. It wasn't as funny as it sounded in my head. We're having a hard time finding the ice cream shop as we circle the block like the lost tourists we are. We finally get to the place and stand in front of the many colorful boxes for a while to pick flavors. I go first and take watermelon, coconut and banana. He picks mocca/latte and then has trouble. Eventually he picks the same flavors as me! I don’t know if he knew, it seemed as he didn’t. My thought of course was that’s one more thing we have in common. As I try to pay they let me know they don’t take VISA from another country. Typical. So he pays again. Now I feel really bad. I owe him. He says I don’t but I know I do, one way or the other. I try to get that thought out of my head. It’s making me nervous.

We walk down to the park by the harbor. We make small comments once in a while, on watermelon and coconut and that we picked similar flavors. He offers me a taste of his coffee ice cream. I’m thinking “wow, this is a little intimate, getting to taste something where his mouth has been”. We joke about the coconut tasting like sunscreen. 
We find a spot in the sun out looking the water with a big statue. He finishes his ice cream and takes out the juggling balls. He is really good at it. He tries 4 balls. I finish my ice cream and join him. I’m surprised I don’t drop them as often as I'm used to. I'm actually pretty good! He shows me throws from under his legs and behind his back. I’m not slow to take after him. I look ridiculous, dropping balls all over the place. He wants to try this passing juggle for 2 to take part in. It feels like forever but soon I’m making 1 pass, then 2, then 4. All the time I catch him glancing at me with his flirtatious eyes in between juggles. I'm all focused on the juggling, swearing when I drop a ball, giving it all my got. So after like 2 hours he suggests we film this experience for his tour video. Reluctantly I agree. It’s not that I don't like watching myself on film it’s that I care too much about what other people think. I try not to but when my confidence is down I can’t help it. I look goofy and like an amateur on the video. The sun is hot and burning so we switch places often. He lets me know my chest is getting burnt but I know it's only me blushing all the time. It’s nice knowing he’s at least checking out my chest, ha-ha. He also comments on my top being sparkly in the sun. Suddenly a group of teenage fans show up. They’re giggling and googly-eyed. He stops to talk with them. I feel a little bit in the way so I sit down by the statue not knowing what to do. I can hear they are from my country. They’re here for the show he’s putting on later in the evening. Then he introduces me! They greet me surprisingly. I say hi and ask if they are from my country and we say a few words. They seemed surprised that he is hanging out with someone as ordinary as me. Or that's what I think. I feel in the way and take my seat by the statue again pretending to chill out in the sun. They get him to sign a couple of shirts and make requests for songs they would like to hear at the show. After a while they leave with big smiles on their faces. I say “that was fun” and he says it’s part of it. He doesn't seem to want to talk about it. We continue juggling. I say I'm so hot (ha-ha) so we move to a shady area to cool off. There I throw off my sunglasses and shoes. He takes of his sunglasses too and it makes me nervous. His eyes are so piercing, kind and curios. I have a hard time keeping our eyes locked, but while we’re juggling I can’t help myself trying to get them to meet. He is so hot! I can’t believe I’m standing here juggling with him. I'm juggling in a park in X with Jason Mraz. How am I able to be here? Is it the universe corresponding with my thoughts and dreams? I can't think of another reason.

We film a second shoot and this time I’m more confident in what I’m doing. It turned out great. I didn’t look all as ugly as I usually see myself. I hope my juggling has made an impression on him. Not all girls know how to handle balls like that, ha-ha. We decide to call it for today and head back to the hotel to prepare for his sound check. On the way we pass an exhibition of some sort with beautiful close ups on animals. We stop and admire them for a moment. But I was stressed out only thinking about how the hell was I supposed to fix myself up for tonight in only a half an hour?! On the way through another park he wants to take a Polaroid of us juggling. It turned out nice. We arrange to meet in the lobby again at 7:30. I have 10-15 minutes to try and look my best for what the evening has to bring. I run around my room like the Tasmanian devil ripping clothes out of my bag and smacking on makeup to highlight my eyes and lips. My face had some black marks on it after the juggling balls, how fucking embarrassing! And he didn’t say anything. Nice. My jaws are all sore from all the gum I've been chewing because my mouth has been extremely dry. As I look at myself in the mirror I feel uneasy about my outfit. It looked so good in my head. Oh well, I can’t do anything about it now. I spray my hair like crazy even though I know it won’t last longer than an hour. I leave the room rushing out the hallway and spraying some perfume on the go. I get down to the lobby and can’t spot him. Good I’m not late again. I sit and wait for about 2 minutes playing with my hair. I turn my head and see him coming from the elevators with his guitar case. Everything seems to go in slow motion. He gives me a smile and kind eyes. I smile back. We're supposed to meet his traveling buddy, Jarod, here but he is nowhere to be seen. I step out of the lobby and almost run into him. I introduce myself and I’m struck by his good looks. I’ve seen him before at the boat show but not this close up. Man, I’m surrounded by hotties! A little waiting and we get into a cab and it’s off to the gig spot. I sit in between them in the back seat. Our arms rub against one another and I try to keep still to not make it look intentional. His friend goes on about everything and nothing. I’ve always admired people who can talk about whatever and make it sound interesting. I wonder how they come up with topics like that. As we arrive to the club and we walk away from the car Jason looks at me and says it’s nice being able to blame it on cab rides to rub up against one another. I giggle. Wasn’t that a hint?

As we get into the club some people are sitting inside drinking and stare at us while we walk down the stairs to the location. I ask if I should come down with him, he says of course. I feel misplaced. They must be thinking what the hell is that girl is doing with him? Well, at least I did. Downstairs I spot a table where I park myself and try to look relaxed. I’m not. Some guys stand by the mixing table and chat. Everyone introduces themselves to him. I’m ignored. I see a barstool behind me and lift it down while showing of my pumped guns. The stool is disgusting and doesn’t have a pad to sit on. I sit on the cold surface anyway. After a while I notice all the other stools have cushions and then I see it still lying where the stool stood. Laughing at myself as I fix the situation hoping nobody saw me. Then his friend comes over to my table with his camera and puts it down. I ask him about his profession and he gives me an answer but I can’t think of a follow up. I ask how old he is. It turns out we are the same age and both Leos with birthdays coming up soon. He asks me if I want something to drink, I want water. As Jason starts playing on stage I'm sucked into some kind of vacuum. I haven’t heard this song and it's intriguing. It’s beautiful! It was "Beautiful mess". As he stands on the stage he doesn’t look at me once. I feel like I'm in the way. I put myself down for being such a negative person and thinking that about myself. Hope it doesn’t manifest. When he’s done we get to chat a bit and I ask him if he takes requests. He reacts happily. So I tell him the 2 older songs (I’ve chosen a month before) I'd like to hear. "Best seat in the house" and "Falling all over the world". He says “Oh my god” with a smile. He tries playing one of them right away, and I'm in heaven. His voice is the best. He’s not sure of the lyrics or chords because of how old they are. I just stand there totally amazed. We head to a back stage room where there are drinks, vegetables, fruits, candy and dip. We dig in. He appears to be grateful of our simple platter. He starts talking about the songs and I ask if he could play a little. He does, he plays a bit of both my requested songs. It sounds perfect and still he asks me how it sounds. I try to help him find the words with my screechy voice. After a while I ask him to stop cause I feel bad making him play when I don’t know if he usually spends this time chilling out. I ask if I can play on his guitar instead and he lets me. I kept thinking wow, here I am sitting with his guitar. The arranger walks in as I play, Jarod is juggling and Jason's on the couch. We decide to go out and grab some dinner.

We walk around town a bit trying to find somewhere to get good non-touristic food. All the time Jason’s walking besides me flirting with his eyes. All I can do is smile and do the same. We can't find a place so we get a cab and take a drive to a restaurant that looks like a lounge bar. Everyone in there looked beautiful. I felt misplaced again, but at least my company was great. We ordered some tapas and a bottle of champagne. I’m sitting next to him, flirting, and reminding myself of sitting with my back straight. The champagne glasses are beautiful old fashioned ones, just like in the movies. As we give a toast to ourselves his glass heads towards min first while I toast with Jarod (in front of me) first. But as Jason and I toast our eyes meet, like it’s this romantic dinner with just him and I. Everything around us just disappeared. He suggests we go to the bar that closes 3am at the top floor of the hotel after the show. Inside I’m cheering and screaming. He does want to spend time with me! As Jarod and the manager keeps the conversation going he starts sketching on his napkin trying to be a caricature artist. He’s very good at drawing. Jarod asks if I had a big bag and Jason comes to my rescue, says no I had a very small bag. Apparently having a big bag isn’t good? I say that I’m only staying one night so… Then Jason says that I should stay one more. That's the third time he has mentioned it the whole time I’ve been there. I said that the train departures aren’t very forthcoming and I haven’t got a room etc. He asks me how you say “please stay” in my native language. I grew silent for a second. Is he serious? How am I going to be able to leave the next day when he’s practically begging me to stay? Finally I say it. He writes it down on his napkin and practices saying it. I’m thinking of what would happen when he sees me without my makeup in the morning. The whole time these 3 guys are sitting there checking out all the girls who pass through the door. Oddly there are only girls there except for 2 extremely good looking guys who seem to work there. Jarod wanted me to talk to them and invite them over to our table. I laughed the suggestion away. We get into a conversation about Neil Strauss and his book "The Game". I've heard of it but haven't had the time to read it. Apparently they have. But Jason seems as if he doesn't like it. But he suggests I read it anyway. The thought of him using the game on me disappeared along with the topic. I never gave it a second thought, but I should have been more careful. As we finish our tapas of chicken wings, fried cheese, potatoes and sausages I go to the ladies room to freshen up. The champagne didn't help me very much with loosening up, but I didn't want to get drunk. When I get back up the stairs our eyes meet and I look away. He's so sweet making eye contact with me when there's a bunch of fabulous looking girls crowding the room. He made me feel special and comfortable.

We take a cab back to the gig spot and hang out in the back lounge. By then there was a crowd of people outside the club. Now he seems a bit more on edge as he has to prepare for the show. Suddenly he picks up a black magic marker and starts writing on his arm. He's writing the “please stay” phrase on his forearm! He shows it to me and says it. I’m flattered, joking it off. I ask him what he usually does and he tells me about his voice warm up as he stretches and how it scared the shit out of a cab driver once on his way to a concert. I just laugh not knowing what to say back. Why am I like this? Why don’t I have anything to say back? I'll have to blame the language barrier, but the truth is my mind was completely blank. I hate it. I wanna say so much but can't think of the words. Where has my brain gone? He excuses himself and heads to the bathroom to shout some la-la-las. I guess I was bugging him too much.

It’s time to move on down to the show. We’re directed down a “secret” pathway. We can hear the crowd behind a door. He says he won't be able to play any of my requests because he can't remember all of it. I say it's ok, I'll be happy with anything that he plays! I go out the door and take a spot by a wall far back in the room. Everyone’s cheering and screaming his name as he makes his way to the stage. I’m thinking “if they only knew”. I can’t believe we’ve spent the afternoon together. I start to recognize the chords he’s playing as he comes up to the mic. Is it? It’s one of the songs I requested! My heart sank and I just stood there with a big smile on my face. It was so beautiful. Did he play it for me? He must be! This is so incredibly romantic. I held back some tears.

The whole show was kinda loud and people didn’t seem to appreciate his music very much. They were all shouting requests and not listening. Jarod comes up to me a few times. I point him to some nice looking babes, which he said earlier that he wanted to meet, but doesn’t have the nerve to go up and talk to. It feels like were friends now. He asks me if I want a drink and stupidly I say maybe later. He wanders off again. Almost at the end of the show he walks past me with the arranger and winks at me. I thought he might want me to follow them. I stood there a few seconds trying to interpret his wink and decide to go up to them. Maybe they were leaving a different way and wanted me to come with them. I shouted “Did you want me to come?” and he says “No, I was just saying hi”. That moment was the worst of the whole evening. I know it doesn't sound like a huge deal, but by this point I really felt like a dork, in the way. God, of course why would he want me to follow them? I escaped back to my spot by the wall embarrassed. Now I was nervous again thinking of how Jason and I were going to find one another in this crowd later on. But it worked out. He left the same way he came and I just followed them back through the door. He was all sweaty and exhausted. I said it was a great show, especially in the beginning, with a big smile. He agreed. We headed up to the lounge again but this time we have to go through a crowd. The bouncer stops me at the gate but the manager says it’s cool, so I get let in.

Up in the lounge we're all alone and he asks if I want a beer. We both grab a beer and search for an opener. With no one I n sight I get creative and grab a marker and try to pry it open. He gives me a hand and we sit down on the couch. I haven’t got anything to say surprisingly. He wonders if we should go back down to mingle with the crowd and I say if he wants. I was dreading that. I was in such an insecure place I didn't want to mingle. But thank god we didn’t go down for a good half hour and about half the crowd had gone home by then. We stand outside for a while in the cold, and me without a jacket freezing my ass off. Jarod apparently got lucky and invited some TV productions girls to come with us to the hotel bar. I recognized them both from MTV. Jason signs some cd's and chats with a few fans. Finally we get a big cab and I hop in the back seat. While he is stuffing his things in the trunk the 2 girls sit down with me and introduce themselves. We talk a little and they seem surprised I’m hanging out with him. Well, I am a nobody. He gets to sit in a small seat in the trunk as us girls chat away commenting on Jason and Jarod in our native language.

At the hotel I go back to my room a little depressed. We were supposed to spend this time alone but here are these 2 gorgeous girls craving his attention. I try to think positively but it's hard. I smack on some lip gloss and perfume and fluff my hair. I’ll show them who’s gorgeous! As I get up to the bar they are already seated with drinks. I sit down at the end of the table and quickly I feel like the 5th wheel. I try to act happy and interested in the conversation. He doesn’t seem to care if I’m there or not so I get up and go over to the bar for a drink. The bartender asks for my ID so I have to go down to my room again and get it. In my room I feel like staying. Perhaps they wouldn't even notice. But I dragged myself back to the elevators. As I approach the bar they don’t see me. I order my favorite, Mojito. I'm trying not to look too sad. Suddenly he parks himself right next to me at the bar and asks where I’ve been. I told him about the ID incident. He asks how old I am. I thought he knew that from the internet. I say I'm turning 24 and he asks when. As the date is coming up soon he responds with enthusiasm. As if we might be seeing each other. I ask him his age, as if I didn’t know, and he says 30. We head back to the table and this time it feels more inviting. Jarod asks if my drink is a mojito, and gives Jason a grin, as if it was some inside joke. They talk about positive affirmations, experiments and magic. Jason gets some coins out and does a magic trick. He’s really good at it. I can't see how he does it. Our eyes meet several times and we stare at each other for what seems like hours. He takes my hand and wants to do a magic trick. He puts coins in my hands as he holds them firmly. I can feel his hands are warm and kind. He strokes my hand and won't let it go. It's like the molecules in my body changed under his touch. It felt so wonderful I didn't want him to let go. It is heaven. Everything else just faded as we sat there gazing into each other's eyes. The trick blew me away. All of a sudden I drop my earring and it hits his shoe. Immediately he gets up and starts looking for it on his knees. He's so cute. Where ever it went we couldn’t find it.

We start talking about the staying part of this weekend. I tell him I would love to stay but a room isn’t very easy on my wallet. Then he suggests I can stay in his room. He has 2 beds and plenty of room. We could go down to the train station tomorrow and get a ticket for Sunday instead. He says he wants to take a boat out to the islands to swim, and he wants me to come with them. I get all quiet(more than normally) Now I’m getting anxious and tell him I'll think about it. It seems he really wants me to stay. All I could think about was if I really wanted to have sex with this guy. I don't want to fall in love, and I was well on my way to. Behind us there were 2 guys who were bugging us and wouldn't stop talking to us. Jarod starts to argue with them saying they're annoying and we don't want to talk to them. I try to ignore them both and direct my attention to Jason. He looks at me too and we exchange a few agreeing looks. We made small talk crouched towards each other. After a few silent moments I said ok, I'll stay. He gave me a smile. The bar's about to close so we all head out the door. He says it’s a shame that he doesn’t get to walk me to my hotel. But then suggests he walk me to my door instead. We say bye to Jarod and the 2 girls in the elevator and walk towards my door. The walk to my door seemed exceptionally long. Was he gonna come in with me? I walked in front of him like I was in a hurry. Stupid me opens the door immediately not thinking about saying goodbye. I turn around to say goodnight and I get a warm long hug and a kiss on the cheek. This guy is too classy and a real gentleman, but still I was hoping for a kiss on the lips. He says I should come by his room in the morning at 9.30 and wake him up to go and eat breakfast together. It sounds good to me. He starts walking away. I close the door and throw myself on my bed. This can't be happening. I wanted to go up to his room. Being a little intoxicated I got ready for bed instead. I didn’t pack anything to sleep in as well as a camera to save some bag space. I kick myself for not bringing my camera. But at least it makes me seem like I don't want to flaunt my time with him to everyone through pictures. I would have plenty of time for that if it got serious. I had a hard time falling asleep thinking of the train ticket, what if I can't make it home? Did he take the 2 girls to his room?

I awoke after 2-3 hours and couldn’t go back to sleep cause of all the thinking that was going on. I felt hung over too. Freezing and all dry in my mouth. I get a couple of glasses of water and slumber off. I get up at 8.30 and try to get myself looking great. I come up to his door and I bang on it, just like he said I should. After a minute or two he opens all surprised that I came as he said, as if he were only joking. He doesn’t have a shirt on! His torso is well built but narrow, with a slightly hairy chest and some moles. He makes them look sexy. He comments that I look fresh this morning. As I walk in to the room I see that it doesn’t have 2 separate beds but one king size bed. Of course my mind wanders of thinking about how we are going to get any sleep laying so close to each other. He lays himself in bed again. I throw myself onto the bed right in the middle and totally embarrass myself. The bed had the mattresses slightly drawn apart, so I fall through the crack with half my body. I quickly get up and try to laugh it off. But he doesn't seem amused. I ask if I can check on his computer if I can get hold of a train ticket. I sit down on the internet, but I can't get a hold of any tickets. He's appears to be sleeping so I gaze out the huge panorama window out-looking the whole city. I try to wake him gently by laying my hand on his knee and he shrugs, draws his legs back as if he didn't want me to touch him again. I felt bad. He gets ready for breakfast and puts on the same white t-shirt he had on yesterday. But this time he puts a cap on his head and some flip-flops. A nice fuzzy old-man's hat. He pulls that one off too. While we walk down to breakfast we glance at each other and smile a whole lot. I was thinking of what this day might bring. The breakfast hall was crowded and we started packing our plates with food. I find a table in a corner with an outside view. I notice he has the typical American breakfast. Eggs, potatoes, bacon etc. I say we have different tastes in what you should eat for breakfast. He says he just takes what he’s craving for. While were sitting there our eyes meet all the time, though he doesn’t say much. We pass through topics on our parents, marriage and movies. He tells me about his parents splitting up. I tell him about my parents staying together unhappily with nothing in common. I don’t want a marriage like that. He says “Couples who play together stay together”. I agree. We decide to go see a movie later tonight. He mentions my canoe again and says he will help me get it to the water. On our way back he says he’d like to take a nap while I check out of my room.

I pack my stuff. As I come up to his door, he has left it open for me. I leave my bag in his room while trying not to wake him up. When I come back from checking out he’s still laying there sleeping. After checking out the view once more I lay down on the bed beside him and try to get some sleep too but can’t. All I can think of is his body, how sexy he is when he’s lying there on his stomach. He makes cute little "mmm’s" in his own special way. I can feel his voice vibrating in the tense air. He looks so peaceful. I lay there starring at him for a while. I wish I had the nerve to just pounce at him. But I don’t want to get rejected. I’m still not sure if he just wants us to be friends or is he acting like that not to make me feel any pressure? I finally doze off. I wake up after an hour and can’t get back to sleep so I lay there a while listening to our breaths. As he regains consciousness I ask if we can go to the train station cause I’m worried I won't get a seat. He says sure in a calm way as if it’s no problem. On our way down he talks to Jarod and makes plans to meet us at the national gallery. The show arranger recommended we check it out. As we pass through the park there seems to be a wedding photo shoot going on. He asks me what I think about marriage. I tell him I think it's overrated and just a piece of paper. I believe a couple should define their relationship spiritually and not by law. He says he likes weddings and that he has been married once before. No shit. I act surprised. He lets me know that he likes the ceremony and party when all his friends and family gather to have a good time. I agree, but there are other things than weddings to celebrate like that. The rest of the way down to the train station he seems uninterested in me. We walk slowly past all the performers and vendors. I don’t feel a connection anymore. We hardly say anything to each other. We get to the train station and I ask a guy in the ticket booth for help. But he says the tickets are totally sold out. My stomach twist. What am I going to do? I can feel the tears rising in my eyes. He notices my anxiety and suggests we go back to the hotel and check for flights. I can’t afford it I’m thinking, and I don’t have my passport with me. He says he needs a cappuccino to go. While we’re standing in line I feel scared. Our eyes meet a couple of times and he probably sees that I’m in anguish. He says maybe I can come with them on tour to the next country, they only have Germany left. How nice of him, but surely he's joking. Then he gives me a hug and holds on. That hug made everything better. My mind got focused on the positive side of things. Ideas popped into my head. But he let go as soon as he ordered. Damn. We make it halfway to the museum as I come up with the idea to get a night ticket halfway and then a friend could pick me up. So we turn around and I feel silly for dragging him along back again. There is another guy in the booth now. Jason says "charm him now". I do my best and desperately ask for the same ticket to my destination. All of a sudden they aren’t sold out! I can’t believe it! I have a big smile on my face. I'm so happy I could jump up and down. As we leave the booth I’m in a rush of happiness and make a go for it. It was now or never. I hooked his arm. He makes like a gentleman and flexes it so I’d have something to hold on to. Now THIS is heaven! We are walking there arm in arm, close to each other. I’m never going to let go. This arm hooking thing made us much more talkative too. We talked about religion, Tom Cruise and scientology which he seems to be a huge fan of. Sometimes he seems so clever. But I believe I am too, I’m just having a hard time expressing myself around him. I’m starting to get blisters from my ballerina shoes.

We get to the museum and walk around trying to find Jarod. After a while he appears behind us. We walk into the different rooms and study the paintings. I study Jason the most. After looking at every painting to be seen we go down to the souvenir shop. He wants some postcards. It takes a while for him to pick them out but I meet up with him wanting to see what his taste was like in postcards. He had 3. One with a field of white flowers. One of a painting we both liked with a wicked moonlight. And the 3^rd was with some naked girls on it. My stomach turned again. Is he that kind of guy? I thought he wasn’t. Then I overheard him and his friend talking about that picture. He said something like “I’ll take anything with tits on it” and they laughed. I felt inadequate, as I usually do cause I don’t have any. What if he gets disappointed if we go that far tonight? I get depressed again. Actually I didn’t even want to look at him let alone be with him. I went outside to get my mind on something else.

We wanted to get something to eat. He wanted Jarod to try the shrimp sandwich we had yesterday. On the way we stop for coffee and croissants. As we leave I've forgotten about the card and I hook his arm again. We find a table at the same restaurant by the harbor. I order some fish soup, Jason does too. We sit there chillin. They tell me stories of their childhood. It sounds so cozy. I of course have a hard time telling a story. I suck. At least I payed for my own food, forgetting I owed him. After dinner we decide to go get some tickets to the movie, Transformers. On our way there we found some sculptures. The guys that they are, they of course wanted to take some funny Polaroid's. It was 2 totem pole looking sculptures that they wanted to look like their huge dicks. I got to be the photographer. I was surprised at how good the pictures turned out. Then we spotted a big shell that looked like a screw. They were kidding around saying I should sit on it and get screwed on the picture. I wasn’t very comfortable doing it but hey, I have to come out of my shell at some time. I go up and try to sit on the thing. Then they wanted me to lie down in front of it and make my being screwed face. That was too much for me. I didn’t know what to do. I just said "I’m not doing that". Jason takes a picture of me standing there looking terrified. He acts all loving and says this picture is cool with you looking like that. He says “you are a lady, you shouldn’t put up with this shit”. It makes me feel a bit better. He lies down in front of it instead. He makes it look funny. People around don’t seem to care and I wish I wasn’t so stuck up.

At the movie theater we bought some tickets for the 8:30 show. Then we made our way back to the hotel for me to change shoes. They ask how my feet are doing and offer me a piggy back ride. Wanting to get closer to him I hop on to his back. He’s much stronger than he looks. I can’t believe he’s carrying me this far. I start to feel bad about his back and promise him to give him a massage later. He kids around a little threatening to put me down in a deep puddle. This time on our way back I feel like I’m one in the group. It feels nice. He tells Jarod about our juggling experience. Jarod's impressed and says he gets turned on when girls juggle. Ha-ha.

At the hotel he asks me if he can have my address and I blurt it out, thinking he's joking. I'll give it to him later. Up in the room Jason asks me to step on his back cause I said I was good with my feet. I offer a real massage instead. He lies down on his stomach and I sit astride on him. He still has his shirt on so I tug at it for a bigger area to work on. His back is beautiful. Although there are a lot of moles and they are weird kind of looking, haven't seen anything like it before. Why doesn’t he get them fixed with laser? I try not to think about it and it feels better after a while. I do my best at kneading his sore back. He makes sounds making me want him even more. His pants are hanging low and I can see his as crack. I say he should take his shirt off so I can massage his shoulders too. He does. Oh my god! His shoulders are soft and relaxed. He obviously doesn’t need any massage there but I do it anyway. His arms too. This is the first time I’ve ever been close to someone who has his build. I never knew I was attracted to it. I thought I wanted someone with a big torso, back and arms. But he's better. After the massage I grab his IPod and start flipping through it. I ask if I can hear some of his new material. He says sure and I tell him to pick out one he’d like me to hear. He picks the one he played at the sound check. He says he wrote it a couple weeks ago and recorded it on his computer. It sounds wonderful. I’m not able to express my love for the song, so I just sit there tapping my feet. I lie down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I notice he has grabbed my mp3-player and is flipping through it. He listens to some of his songs he says he has never heard a recording of. He asks if I want to see a movie and he puts on a cute little Disney movie on his iPod. We share the earpiece and sit so close to each other our heads almost touch. I lay there thinking that our lips are like 5 inches away and how easy it would be to give him a kiss. I try to see if he’s watching the movie out of the corner of my eye. I wonder if he is thinking the same thing. Then he wants to take few Polaroid's of me sitting by the window. He arranges me and the camera. He takes another of me on the bed with my profile in the main frame. Then he wants to show me the tour movie he has been working on on his computer. After some editing he plays it for me. It’s beautiful. I can’t believe how good he is at everything! I told him he is an all round artist who can make music, movies and tricks. He is unbelievable. He also shows me some footage of other tour movies I oddly haven’t seen on YouTube yet. I’m just sitting there smiling and nodding. Why can’t I say anything interesting?! I tell him that I didn’t think the language barrier would be such a huge problem. He acts surprised. I say that there are a lot of things I want to say but I’m having a hard time interpreting it. He says I should say it in my own language first then we’d work it through together. Ha-ha, if he only knew what I was thinking. I would surely scare him of. But then again, we have so much in common already, what if he's thinking the very same thing? I notice his bare feet. They are nice looking, not that hairy and ugly like most men's feet. I see that his toes look exactly like mine! Nails and all! Even our middle toe is longer than our big toe! I mention it to him but he doesn’t give it much attention. Man! Then I did something I still wonder what the hell I was thinking. I asked if I could play with his hair. What's up with that? He didn't mind so I did. I made a French braid he could put his hat over.

I ask if we weren’t supposed to meet Jarod in the lobby to go out and juggle. He checks his messages and sure enough his friend was there but has gone up to his room now. So we lie down on the bed again and listen to some music. Then it's time we go to the movie. We pick Jarod up at his room and head down in the elevator. As Jason fixes his hat Jarod notices his nice hair and asks what he's done. I said I braided it, and Jason acted surprised, but that it looked We walk straight to the theater. Once again I couldn’t pay for the popcorn with my VISA. We got good seats just in the middle. There is a hot guy sitting on my other side as well. They played commercials for almost 20 minutes before the movie started. During the movie he blurts out comments like “shit” and “motherfucker” at all the special effects. It’s cute. And I thought I was annoying as I usually do the same thing at home. I can hardly focus on the movie I’m too distracted by him and his body. His knee brushes up against my knee all the time. Is it intentional? Well I held my knee as close toward him as possible anyway. Sometimes he even looked at me. When the movie ended we sat so close without holding hands it just looked silly. We stayed for the credits. Most of the people had left and we were still sitting there. I get up and Jarod gets up but Jason still sits tight. I grab his arm and try to pull him up. We walk out of the theater and as usual I go up the stairs first. Are they checking out my ass? I hope so. As we walk arm in arm and arrive at some stairs that lead us up towards the park he suddenly takes my arm out of his and grabs my hand! I can't believe what has just happened. So there we are walking hand in hand. I have this huge smile on my face as we glance at each other. I don’t know if Jarod notices anything at first then I notice he seems just as shocked as I am. As we walk through the park chatting about the movie I feel like a million bucks. His hand feels amazing. I actually hade things to say about the movie as well! And they listened to me and laughed at my jokes! This was great.

We're hungry so we decide to go up to the hotel bar and see if they serve food. Jarod doesn’t come with us. They don’t serve food so we check out the room service menu. Nothing good on there so we head down to the restaurant to see if it is open. Jarod can’t come, he’s talking to their manager or something so we go alone. Hand in hand, exchanging looks and smiles in the elevator. It’s not open. I ask if they can recommend anything to us and the bartender says there is an all night restaurant across the street. On the way over there he picks up my hand and puts both his hands on either side of mine and compares the size and fingers. They are pretty much the same, too. Then he firmly incorporates his fingers between mine. Now we are holding hands like a real couple. The hand holding before was only cupped. Like you hold your moms hand. We look at each other and smile. The restaurant's pretty empty with people, only a few older men sitting discussing whatever old men discuss. This time I’m paying for dinner. We order cheeseburgers and water. He picks a table at a corner by the window so we can look out at the hotel so everyone can see us. We sit there quite silently and flirt with our eyes, as usual. He mentions how great this time has been and that he got the chance to hold a girls hand. I agree and say that for me this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. He says “or twice in a lifetime”. So that was either a indication that we would see each other again only once or we would keep seeing each other but not very often. I wasn’t sure if I felt happy or sad. When we finished our burgers and fries he asks if we should take a bottle of wine with us up to the hotel room for a romantic evening. Oh my God! As we look at the wine list everything is incredibly expensive. Luckily the waiter later on says they aren’t allowed to sell bottles outside of the restaurant. Oh well. I suggest we should get some food for Jarod. He thinks that’s a good idea. I order pasta with a vegetarian sauce. While we're waiting he asks if we could sit on a nice pink couch further back in the restaurant instead. We sit down and relax and talk about the beautiful lamps hanging in there. The waiter comes with the food and we leave holding hands. He thinks I should hand over Jarod 's food since I paid for it. Jarod is grateful that we brought him some food. As we say goodbye I realize this is the last time I’ll see his friend, but it's too late giving him a hug as we shut the door. We walk back to our room with anticipation. What is going to happen here?

In the room he dims the lights and puts on slow music. But I don’t think it’s very romantic at all. So he plays a group that I earlier said I liked while breezing through his iPod. We try to get the minibar wine bottle open but the screw won't come off. He has an idea. He got a swiss pocket knife while he was in Switzerland and it will come in handy now. He punctures the lid of the bottle and we are able to pour it. We toast and take a sip while our eyes are locked at each other. He asks me about my future, where I see myself. Honestly I have no idea but I told him I think I want to work with animals and rambled on and on about politics and police and what not. I forgot to ask him the same thing. He thanked me for dinner and I said that was nothing compared to what he has given me. I still feel like I owe him. He says he doesn't mind, he has money that he wants to share. I didn't know what to say to that. I had forgotten he was a big shot star in the states. We chat a bit and sit peacefully starring at each other. Then he gets up to pack his bags. He has to catch the 7 am flight in the morning and he doesn’t like packing in the morning. I observe him and look out at the view, it's dark and the city lights are shining like stars. I ask him if he might have a shirt I could borrow to sleep in cause I didn’t bring one. He takes out a bright pink t-shirt with a man standing and making a heart with his hands. I recognize it from the Blend apparel. He says he would like me to have this. I say thank you and give him a great big hug. We stand there for a long time just hugging. It felt weird so I said "I like hugs" ha-ha. So we part and hug again but on the other side. I was thinking about if I should go ahead and kiss him, but I didn’t. He didn't make a move either. He goes off to brush his teeth and I dim the lights and put on the t-shirt. When he gets out I go and do the same thing and wash away my makeup. I hope he won't think that I look hideous. I couldn't help to sneak through his little bag on the sink counter. It had a tube with organic toothpaste, a bottle of antioxidants, L'Oreal conditioner and and I dug a bit deeper I spotted a couple of condoms. Yikes! That got my head spinning. Is this a regular thing for him? Does he have a girl in every city? I took a closer look at them and the wrappers seemed old and worn out, like they've been in that bag for a while. I stood there staring at myself in the mirror. Should I or shouldn't I? I decided I would regret it if I didn't. I took some deep breaths too calm myself. It didn't work. I messed up my hair and out I went.

Now he's laying under the covers. He has pushed the beds together. I take my pants of and hop into bed. We lay there silently at each side looking at each other once in a while. I decide to go for it. I thought about this probably being the only time we’ll have with each other. I have to take a chance! I stare at his lips for some time, take a deep breath and I ask him if it’s ok if I give him a kiss goodnight. He says "I've thought about it". Nothing else. After a moment I said "and?". This part is still blank in my mind. I remember him saying I should try it, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I make my way over to his side and take it very slow. My lips barely touch his and when our tongues meet I feel a rush. My god he’s an unbelievable kisser! He breathes heavily and I notice I’m holding my breath. He makes those sexy humming sounds again. I stop, lay down on my side and contemplate if I should keep going. He doesn’t make a move so I do. We kiss harder and harder, then softer. I'm in heaven. He’s not kissing me aggressively or taking any privileges to touching me any faster or more than he needs to. I'm thinking why isn't he moving any closer? Should I stop? He strokes my neck and my face. Then he moves closer to me. We get under the covers which have turned into one big blanket. He is shirtless and has a pair of dark blue bikini briefs on. I could help not smiling when I saw them. Not really a turn on for me. But I had a pair of black hipsters on and he probably didn't think they were hot either.

Now we're tangled up in each other. I can’t believe what's happening. He looks so sexy with his tangled hair and flirtatious eyes. Not to mention his gorgeous mouth. I can’t get enough of this. We get closer and closer. All I can say is I thought he was a moaner.

After everything we lay down beside each other all sweaty and tired. He doesn’t seem to want to touch me anymore. I pat his belly and his throat. I try to act affectionate but stop when he doesn’t show any back. I get up and put my panties on to go to the bathroom. When I come back he has his briefs on too and is lying in bed. His arm is out for me to lie on. We get under the covers and cuddle a little and I fall asleep. During the night I wake up a lot feeling hung over cause of the wine I was drinking. I think I got a couple hours of sleep though. Everything felt so strange. So unreal. It’s over now. We won’t get to spend more time together. We just had sex. Was it a mistake? Did I give in too easily? Was that all he was after? Was I manipulated? Did I use him? Does he feel I only like him because of his noteriety? Did he like me at all? All these questions were circling in my head. The alarm goes off and it takes him 10 minutes to get up. He takes a shower. I pretend to be asleep as I listen to him get dressed. When he is done with everything he lays down beside me, watching me for a while. I act as if I'm just awakening. He thanks me for a great weekend. I ask if I could have his breakfast this morning and he smiles and says he'll let the hotel know I'm staying. I say I’m going to miss him. He says "I'll miss you too". He says he’ll talk to me later, but I know he’s lying. I should have gotten up and brushed my teeth so that I could give him a huge kiss goodbye but I hid under the covers and let him kiss me 3 or 4 times lightly on the lips. He gets up and blows me a kiss. Looks at me and the he turns around and walks out the door. Immediately I start crying. I knew he was leaving, and I knew it wouldn’t amount to anything else than this. I was hoping he'd burst through the door to give me a proper hug. I felt like running after him. He never came back. I sat down by the window hoping to see him drive away in the cab. I couldn't spot him, but I saw a lonely car drive away on empty streets. Tears were running down my face. I sat there for a while trying to comprehend what had just happened. I went back to bed and eventually fell asleep for a few hours. Then I got up to take a bath. The small hotel shampoos were opened and laying around the tub. Some of his hair strands were on the floor and in the tub. A dripping wet towel was hanging in the side of the tub. I tapped myself a hot bath and soaked myself with my tears, but his smell wouldn’t come of my shoulders. It's his sweat, but I don’t mind. It kind of smells good.

I moved around the room like a zombie. Everything was so different without his stuff there. He had left a bunch of fruit that he snatched from the backstage room, on the counter for me. I leave the door open cause I don't have a key and go down to eat breakfast with myself. I stare at my face in the elevator mirrors. The tears are hard to keep back but I managed to not let them out. I'm not hungry but I eat anyway, observing the people in the hall. Everyone seems so happy. I'm clinging to my cell phone, hoping he's gonna send me a message. I don't feel so good, I've got a cold. Hope I haven't passed it on to him. When I get up to his room again I put my mp3 on and sit by the window listening, watching the roof tops. Natalie Imbruglia – Beauty on the Fire, it made it all come out. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I cried my off my make-up. I felt so alone. Why did I stay? I shouldn't have stayed. I shouldn't have come at all. I shouldn't have gone to Norway. This is unbearable. I couldn't help thinking about everything we did this weekend. I had to get out of the room. I packed my bags and put on all the long sleeved shirts I had with me. It was cold and grey outside. I put my shades on anyway and with my bag on my shoulder and the music playing in my ears I headed out. 
This is where we walked yesterday. I walked as slowly as I could. The words of the music gradually took a different meaning. I could relate to everything they were singing about. It made my eyes well up again. Good thing I had my shades on. The 30 minute walk was far too short, I felt like going back a second time but didn't. I felt like crap with my cold getting worse. I went to the coffee shop at the station where he had been when I first met him. I got a chai-latte and sat down to read my book. I read more than half of it for 4 hours. Sitting there was like torture. I just wanted to get home, throw myself on my bed and cry myself to sleep. When I got on the train I finished the rest of the book. Then I decided to send him a message. I shouldn't have. But I did. I said thanks for letting me stay in his room, I had a nice bath. I never got an answer. My cold had now fully broken out, my nose was runny and I could hardly breathe. Stepping through my front door had never felt so good. The next morning I got a text message, from Jason. It made me smile at first, but then it only confirmed I wouldn't see him again. 

"Good morning sunshine. Thanks for the great weekend. Hope we can do it again someday. Ciao bella."